where i am nothing and everything.

where i am nothing and everything.

meladybrown

[	hear the secrets	\|	that i keep	]
[	when i'm talking	\|	in my sleep	]

short sojourn.	[Oct. 23rd, 2009\|11:53 am]
" Fo it was clear Erica needed something that I - even by consenting to play the part of a man not myself - was unable to give her. In all likelihood she longed for her adolescence with Chris, for a time before his cancer made her aware of impermanence and mortality. Perhaps the reality of their time together was as wonderful as she had, on more than one occasion, described to me. Or perhaps theirs was a past all the more potent for its being imaginary. I did not know whether I believed in the truth of their love; it was, after all, a religion that would not accept me as a convert. But I knew that she believed in it, and I felt small for being able to offer her nothing of comparable splendor instead." - The Reluctant Fundamentalist, Mohsin Hamid
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live my life from a new perspective.	[Oct. 21st, 2009\|06:22 pm]
Cary Grant: It's a beautiful night and New York's a wonderful city. What would you like to do with it? Doris Day: I don't know. I've never been offered a city before. - That Touch of Mink
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woah oh oh.

[Oct. 12th, 2009|06:01 pm]

[

hearsay

mariah carey - obsessed

]

cartoonstock.com

the entertainment level was upped significantly last week - dinner at crystal jade with RHG, lunch/"shopping" with huixian, wandering around the malls of singapore in my desperate search for chic, price-worthy clothes. i had my fix of macs' double chocolate frappe, which always does wonders for my soul although the opposite is true for my tummy. oh, and i finally ordered my nokia e63. tres maqnifique!

it is exam week! the exclamation stands for no more lessons, no more shouting, no more rushing to clear work! invigilation has been the order of the day(s). it's alright, except for the fact that standing around watching the kids just makes me so sleepy! but it brings back so many memories of exams and the kancheong-ness that surrounded it. i realise that the only time i was ever truly focused was during my examinations. excusing the perpetual soundtrack that ran in my head during each paper, otherwise, it was a matter of utmost concentration. the pen, never lifting off the paper; sweaty palms, wiped at frequent intervals; pretty nice penmanship turning into illegible scrawls; torturing my teachers with thesis instead of answers. good times, i tell you.

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of light-minded lunacy

dum dum di dum dum.	[Sep. 23rd, 2009\|07:18 pm]
i lost my voice yesterday. i survived 3 straight hours of lessons but all it took was one hour with the usual suspects in the technical class. i've been croaking throughout the day and i've had to take really deep breaths often because for some strange reason, my back is unable to support my larynx. the kids have been really sweet about it, though. i finally put the whistle to good use today, blowing shrilly whenever they got too noisy or i needed their attention. tristan would have been so proud of me. the irony was, the classes were really quiet today when threatened with the use of a noisy object. william helped me out during p.e., taking over the role of shouter, encourage-r and threaten-er especially with ensuring that wen jun passed his shuttle run and standing broad jump, and in making sure that the rest of them did not sneak off to the canteen to eat. ttw offered to translate my explanations during english class (i was still speaking english) and isman was concerned with whether i had seen a doctor and why i lost my voice. ( the cutest thing ) on another note, the girls have decided to join in my manhunt search. they have taken it upon themselves to find me a rich and sexy man by the time term ends. they are so sweet!
Link	4 litanies\|of light-minded lunacy

willie wonka much?

[Sep. 5th, 2009|09:36 pm]

[

hearsay

kings of leon - use somebody

]

for those in the know, my mother's (and now, my father's) latest ambitious plan is to find me a boyfriend so i would stop hanging out at home. along with countless misshapen ideas, my parents have now embarked on a new position - scouring matchmaker. enjoy the embarrassing conversations that ensued on the way home.

while at the hawker center, lunch:
mum: i am going to put out an advertisement for you. "my daughter, 22, is looking for a rich, handsome, greek, italian or african boyfriend." maybe i should make flags and posters!
while i defiantly protest and attempt to water down her enthusiastic plan, she spotted a couple of pretty good-looking angmoh guys at the same hawker centre.
mum: there, there! you can choose one of them! hello, my daughter is 22 ...
at this point, i was madly scrambling to cover her mouth while thinking, my mother is worse than my friends.

on the train home from marina bay:
mum: eh, look at the man sitting there. he's quite handsome!
dad: he looks like he hasn't bathed in months.
me: he's quite cute actually.
mum: she likes him! faster, go and introduce yourself. i can always give him a haircut and your dad can teach him how to shave.
me: ...

at dinner:
me: oh come on. nolan gerard funk is seriously hot and sexy! did you see him smile?
brother: please, he is not hot. he looks like he hasn't bathed (recurrent theme of the day)
me: he is hot. face it.
mum: who is hot? who does your sister like?
brother: nolan gerard funk
mum: who is he? i knew she had a boyfriend.
brother, me: he's from nickelodeon, ma.

the best quote of the day has to come from my reality-challenged brother.
"i hope you marry a chinese man so i can become an uncle to chindian kids. how cool is that."
HUH.
and i wonder why i am slightly eccentric/enigmatic.

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10 litanies|of light-minded lunacy

love is all around.	[Sep. 4th, 2009\|09:45 pm]
Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs "I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack… If Cusack and I were competing for the same woman, I could easily accept losing. However, I don’t really feel like John and I were “competing” for the girl I’m referring to, inasmuch as her relationship to Cusack was confined to watching him as a two-dimensional projection, pretending to be characters who don’t actually exist. Now, there was a time when I would have thought that detachment would have given me a huge advantage over Johnny C… However, I have come to realize that I perceived this competition completely backward; it was definitely an unfair battle, but not in my favor… But here’s what none of these upwardly mobile women seem to realize: They don’t love John Cusack. They love Lyod Dobler. When they see Mr. Cusack, they are still seeing the optimistic, charmingly loquacious teenager he played in Say Anthing… That’s the guy they think he is… We all convince ourselves of things like this–not necessarily about Say Anything, but about any fictionalized portrayals of romance that happen to hit us in the right place at the right time. This is why I will never be completely satisified by a woman, and this is why the kind of woman I tend to find attractive will never be satisified by me. We will both measure our relationship against the prospect of fake love. Fake love is a very powerful thing. That girl who adored John Cusack once had the opportunity to spend a weekend with me in New York at the Waldorf-Astoria, but she elected to fly to Portland instead to see the first US appearance of Coldplay, a British pop group whose success derives from their ability to write melodramatic alt-rock songs about fake love…. “For you I bleed myself dry,” sang their blockhead vocalist, brilliantly informing us that the stars in the sky are, in fact, yellow. How am I going to compete with that shit? He’s just pouring fabricated emotions over four gloomy guitar chords, and it ends up sounding like love… It’s a perfect illustration of why almost everyone I know is either overtly or covertly unhappy. Coldplay songs deliver an amorphous, irrefutable interpretation of how being in love is supposed to feel, and people find themselves wanting that feeling for real. " - chuck klosterman the man might just be onto something.
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cos it's you and me, and all of these people.	[Sep. 3rd, 2009\|07:24 pm]
for those who know me well, they know i wear my heart on my sleeve. sometimes, i think it has been stitched on with an unbreakable thread. i'm horrible at masking my emotions; i don't know how. i cry silently when i watch movies, oprah, spongebob or when i'm so very angry, i need to break something. i may think about a passing remark, an off-the-cuff opinion made by someone i care about, for days. i've given up trying to hide when i cry because there is no use in doing so. sometimes i wonder if there's a switch that would allow a bullet-proof casing to appear just so i would not have to worry/feel so much and give myself a headache by attempting to shout but end up having to wipe off tears of frustration and pissedoff-ness in front of sweet and funny thirteen year olds who sadly, just do not know any better about the rules of life where the strong are supposed to protect the weak but so often ignore and choose to do otherwise . yet, there's always tomorrow, and it's never too late to learn. for all the apologetic messages and calls that have been coming in since i walked out of class, i realise how much i love teaching this bunch of kids (once again, heart on sleeve). if the school offers me a paycheck that matches the one i have been offered, honestly, i might just say yes.
Link	2 litanies\|of light-minded lunacy

no you can't read my poker face.	[Aug. 28th, 2009\|10:10 pm]
we had a mini 'clubbing' session in ben's car while on the way home last night. if only the sun-roof was open.
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